Building a Support Network
During and After Pregnancy
Life-Changing Motherhood
First time moms often get so wrapped up in the excitement of planning for the baby — of being pregnant, going for ultrasounds, decorating the baby’s room and planning baby showers and wish lists — that they often forget to plan for some of the realities of what life will be like for them personally after the baby arrives.
For most first-time moms, life changes dramatically on baby’s arrival. Sleep deprivation is a form of torture used by the nastiest regimes on the planet but also accompanies the arrival of baby; isolation is another form of torture that is often less anticipated by new mothers. Many moms do not realize they will be unable to leave the house for at least the first few weeks because their babies must not be exposed to germs, so the first few weeks can be extremely difficult.
Many new mothers go from a busy work life, interacting with many adults all day long, and a fairly active social life in the evenings, to a life where they suddenly are interacting only with their partner and their baby all day long, rarely getting a chance to go out in the evenings.
After having a baby, a new mom can find she has little in common with her old work friends or even any friends who do not have young children. Work colleagues are not interested in the new baby’s diaper habits, and the new mom is often disinterested in work politics now that she is no longer a part of it. It can feel like suddenly she has no friends and little interaction with other adults. This can be traumatic to deal with, (particularly if the mom has no family or close friends living close by) but with some careful planning, it can be avoided.
Resources
There are a large number of organizations aimed at helping new mothers; the problem is that most new mothers don’t know about them because they don’t move around in circles where they are known. That is where this article comes in – making you aware that such resources exist!
The first piece of advice for any first time mom is to start looking for support as soon as you get pregnant. When you are at the ob-gyn office, get talking to other expectant mommies and share experiences. Take pre-natal yoga classes or childbirth classes and use them as a chance to network. It helps you to feel less alone when you know that everyone else has awful morning sickness, restless legs or stretch marks too!
Also, check in with the hospital where you will give birth early in your pregnancy. They often offer tours of the birthing centers to expectant mommies, which is another good way to network with others, as well as a way to have some of your fears allayed. They often have classes and support groups to help new moms also.
Because the mother of a newborn is often stuck at home, online support groups can be extremely important. They help the new mom to feel connected to other moms and enable her to ask questions and get support even while she is isolated in this way.
Once the baby is able to go outside the house, moms groups are possibly the best source of support for new moms – there are a host of them to choose from – and most allow first time expectant moms to join because they understand how bewildering it can be to be expecting your first baby!
Support for Emergencies
It is a good idea to come up with a list of people who you can call if you are in a desperate situation. The life change into motherhood can be very stressful and it is important to have people you can talk to if it all gets too much.
Before the baby is born, be sure to have linked up with a pediatrician so that you can call the doctor whenever you have questions. Also, get a number that you can call when you have questions in the middle of the night. Most pediatricians have a nurse advice line you can call with concerns – if not, call your local children’s hospital.
Have an experienced mommy who you can call whenever you just need some emotional support or some practical ideas on how to deal with situations. Typically, this will be the new mom’s mother or sister but it may be a close friend or other relative.
Remember…
It is important to remember that every new mom has doubts and fears. Every new mom finds it difficult, especially in the first few weeks, to adjust to the changes that life with a newborn brings. Remember to enjoy your baby as much as you can because he or she will not be this small ever again. Let the housework go a little, do not stress if you have to eat takeout a little more often than you are used to; be gentle on yourself. Remember that motherhood is much more fun with friends around you who have babies the same age as your own.