Social Support for the New Mom
Did you ever guess there would be so many things to remember as a new parent? Just when you may feel your memory is failing you (and no, you’re not just imagining it—pregnant and new mothers often do experience short-term memory loss), you’re asked to track and recall the number of times your baby eats in 24 hours, how many dirty diapers she has, how much he weighs, how many hours she’s sleeping—and let’s not forget all the things you need to bring with you when you go anywhere. It can feel like moving day just to make a trip to the store! One printed checklist I’ve seen jokingly reminds new parents to bring their brain (along with the keys) when they leave the house. Chances are you’ve already had moments when you asked yourself, “Where is my mind?”
In all seriousness, when you’re so busy trying to learn to read and respond to your baby’s needs and cues, it’s not hard to lose sight of the necessity of caring for your own mental health. You were probably advised to “take it easy” following the arrival of your baby, and certainly your body needs to recuperate from the major physical feats of pregnancy and delivery. But it’s also important to attend to your social and emotional needs. This may seem easier said than done, especially when you’re up at all hours and consumed with feeding, diapering, and bonding with your newborn. Nevertheless, you’ll be a much more present, attentive and happy mother if you make the effort to stay connected to a community of support.
Move beyond digital
In the high-tech world that we live in, it’s not hard to connect with new and old friends online. Social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter can be a viable source of support when you’re confined to the house with baby or finding it hard to match schedules with other moms. But don’t let digital media be a substitute for the real thing. There’s nothing like a warm smile, a big hug, or even a mutual rolling-of-the-eyes to help you feel connected to another human being. This “old-fashioned” way of relating is especially important for new moms as a means of balancing some of the isolation and fatigue that inevitably comes with spending so much time and energy tending to baby.
Start now
It’s never too early or too late to begin building a postpartum support network. Longtime friends and family members will likely continue to play supportive roles in your life, but you may also find it necessary to branch out. Forming relationships with other new mothers, as well as with more experienced moms, can help when you need an empathetic ear or some parent-to-parent advice. You may connect with another pregnant mom at the doctor’s office or in a birth class, and want to suggest getting together again after your babies have arrived. If your baby’s already here, consider joining a mothers’ group or support group as a way to connect with other new moms. The following are a few options for finding such groups.
Meetup.com
This free website is a great resource for local groups of all kinds, organized by zip code, special interests, and demographics such as age. In Charlotte and the surrounding area, there are a number of mothers’ “meetups,” including ones organized around parenting style (e.g., attachment parenting), lifestyle choices (e.g., natural living, stay-at-home mothers, or working moms), or children’s age. Some groups may require you to join before viewing their content, to protect members’ privacy, but this usually just involves answering a few short questions and sometimes sending a photo to the group’s organizer.
Support groups
These groups often meet through hospitals, birth centers, and sometimes churches, and may involve a fee. They are usually facilitated by a trained professional, such as a therapist or nurse, and intended to provide information as well as support. One advantage of a support group over more informal types of groups is that attention is paid to a specific issue or problem, so you’re more likely to get help with particular challenges you’re facing. A few examples are postpartum depression support groups, La Leche League breastfeeding support groups, and support groups for parents of babies with special needs (e.g., birth defects, food allergies, or physical impairments). Look to your health care provider, a social worker, or an online referral source for more information about specific group options in your area.
Public library
Most libraries now offer weekly story times especially for babies and their parents. This is a free program and a great way to meet other families in your neighborhood. Research has shown that even newborn babies benefit from being read to, so story time is both enrichment for your child and a positive experience you can share together. Call your library or check the website for days and times.
Savor this time
The postpartum period is an exciting, challenging and emotional time. Set the course for a lifetime of meaningful connection with your child by honoring your own social needs during this time, as well. Nurturing positive relationships is an important part of maintaining both mental and physical health. If you find yourself avoiding social situations due to anxiety or low moods, resist the urge to retreat, and seek help. After all, the healthier you are as a mom, the healthier your child will be.