Maintaining Friendships After Baby
Make Social Support a Priority
It’s not uncommon for a woman to assume that life with a newborn will be just like life before, but with a newborn! How quickly we realize though that life with a baby requires more conscious planning, more scheduling of things we used to do spontaneously and more effort on truly taking care of ourselves.
Whether you are a full time stay-at-home mom or return to work in any capacity, your social life will be impacted and will require you to be proactive in maintaining friendships. Friendships can provide for us social support, informal parenting consultation, validation and a respite from our new routine. Often new mothers can convince themselves that if they do not want to be with their newborn every free moment of a given day that they are not being a good mother. Wrong! You are a good mother when you are caring for your child with an optimal full tank of wellbeing.
Consider these tips when navigating your schedule to make sure you are keeping relationships a part of your routine.
- Invite friends over with an “all bets are off” agreement. Maybe it is difficult for you to get out with a newborn initially. Naps, feedings, gear all can weigh you down and limit your time to be away. Invite a friend over but let them know, “all bets are off” ―your home will not be immaculate, your shirt may have spit up on it and the offerings might be carry out or a frozen pizza. You will find your friends are pleased to see you and the baby and the ancillary “mess” will not bother them at all.
- Have a standing day of the week that is yours to carve out an hour for a trip to the library, exercise class, or coffee shop. The “where” is not as important as the fact that it happens. Being able to make plans with friends every week, on the same day, at the same time builds predictability in your week. It is good for you and, at the risk of being repetitive, good for your baby.
- Be aware that not all friendships will survive parenthood. Some new moms find it hard to relate to friends who have radically different lifestyles. Be OK with this, it is not uncommon and not a bad reflection on you. You will find that parenthood will jostle up your priorities and your interests. You can’t blame your single friend for being less than interested in teething and Elmo. Trust that the changes are normal. You may still exchange birthday and Christmas cards but the intensity of some relationships decline, while others flow. The friend who already had 3 young children may become a more constant connection.
Maintaining your friendships will take more planning and sometimes plans are scrapped last minute, but remember that taking care of mama by prioritizing a social support system ultimately makes you a better mama.