Sex After Pregnancy
What is he thinking?
As new parents, have you lost sleep, energy and your sex drive? Is it possible with the time constraints of parenting that your relationship can improve instead of decline? It is, when both of you desire a close family and support each other.
When a baby comes into your life, you will soon discover that caring for and feeding this little person consumes most of your waking moments. It comes as no surprise that getting back into sex often takes a back seat while you are adjusting to post baby life.
So, when you begin thinking about resuming sex after childbirth, it would be helpful to talk about it. Let each other know you are anticipating making love again. Men often have concerns about sex and seldom have the opportunity to express them.
From His Point of View:
“I was there for the whole labor and delivery and observed her pain. I can’t get it out of my head. Will there be some pain involved when we have sex again? I don’t want to hurt her.”
Every woman should be examined by her doctor or midwife after delivery to make sure she has healed from incisions, repairs, and episiotomies. Vaginal dryness is common after childbirth due to decreased estrogen levels. Use lots and lots of water based lubricant. Avoid “pleasure enhancing or warming lubes”, which can cause irritation to the vagina. It is common for women to be afraid they may experience discomfort with penetration. So, go slowly and relax. Use contraception unless you want to make another baby. Babies have been born 9-10 months apart.
“She felt very beautiful during pregnancy and she was. Now that the baby is here, she feels that she has stopped being an attractive woman. It has taken me a long time to reassure her that she is still the woman I love and want to have sex with.”
New mothers often focus on the extra weight, the breasts that may leak milk, the stretch marks, or anything else. Feeling unattractive can be a turn off, so do something about it. Wear some sexy lingerie. Even nursing bras are now lacy and sexy. Your extra curves may be sensuous to him and he will not be thinking about your extra weight at that moment. You can’t be picky about timing. Daytime sex may be your best time. Find a dark room if body image bothers you. Turn off cell phones and be prepared to develop a sense of humor.
“Before the baby, we could have sex at the drop of a hat. Now, some planning is involved. She is too tired to make love and frankly I am, too. We are losing a lot of sleep as well as losing our libido. Is it lost forever?”
It is common to find your sexual appetite temporarily suppressed in the first months following birth. While baby naps on weekends, cuddle up, caress, and kiss. Every sexual activity begins with a kiss, maybe on lips, neck, anywhere. Just do it and see where it leads you.
Be realistic about the time you have for yourselves. Make the most of moments. A laugh, a hug, an encouraging word sometimes compensates for the hours you once had.
This is such a temporary time in your life. Remember, you are doing something together that you really believe in and care about. The desire for a close family makes us work harder to fulfill that desire. A strong relationship between both of you is a prerequisite for a close family.
