One spring day Carole, a new mother, strolled to the park with her newborn asleep in her buggy. She sat on a bench to rest and absently rubbed a plastic teapot a child had left behind, as dozens of questions about parenting and development ran through her sleep-deprived mind. “How will I ever become a good enough mother?” she wondered. Just then… POOF! From out of the teapot emerged, not a genie, but someone more useful, a child development specialist. “I’m not qualified to grant three wishes,” said the apparition, but I can answer three questions.” That was fine with Carole. Here are her questions:
When my baby cries, I go to her. I check if she’s wet or cold; I feed her whenever she is hungry. She’s only six weeks old, and I think she needs this level of care, but I also worry that I may be spoiling her. What do you think? Babies learn about themselves, the world, and their place in it through interactions with their primary caretakers. In the first year of life, one cannot spoil a baby by responding appropriately and consistently to its needs. Spoiling means over-indulging, failing to set appropriate limits. Your baby does not yet know that she is separate from you and so isn’t trying to manipulate or enter a power struggle with you when she cries. In the first year, your baby feels her physical states, such as hunger or tummy cramps, intently. When you respond to her distress consistently and appropriately, she experiences physical relief. Having her physical needs met leads to emotional well being as baby develops trust in you and trust in the goodness of the world. Through your responsive care, your baby learns to love and embarks on the path of socialization.
My baby isn’t mobile yet, but I’m wondering if and when we should baby-proof our apartment? When my daughter is older can’t I just teach her not to touch our breakable things? A normally developing baby may start to roll over as early as 9 or 10 weeks of age, sit up unsupported between 7 and 9 months, and begin to creep, then crawl, between 6 and 9 months. It’s wise to baby-proof your apartment as soon as your baby can move from point A to B. Babies have a great push toward mastery, meaning that once they learn a skill, they demand to practice it until perfection is achieved. A crawling baby happily crawls everywhere and is delighted to explore, but has no understanding of risk and danger. That is where parents provide a safe environment. Yes, you can and should teach your child not to touch breakables, but this is a process that begins when she is first mobile and lasts until age three or four when children can control their impulses and have internalized your admonitions about “right” and “wrong.” Chasing after your baby for two-and-a-half years yelling “No!” is stressful and pointless. Remove fragile items, lock away cleaning products, and cover electric sockets.
My friends are taking their four-month-olds to music and gym classes. This seems like a great idea. I want my baby to get all the stimulation and knowledge she’ll need to succeed later in school. Should I wait until four months or start classes earlier? Yes, babies do need stimulation to grow and develop, but do they need gym and music classes in their first year in order to succeed as students down the road? Not necessarily. What your baby needs most is a mother who talks to her and sings to her when she changes her diaper, warms her bottle, dresses her, and gives her a bath. In short, a warm, responsive caregiver is adequate stimulation for any baby under a year of age. Babies also enjoy what Dr. Stanley Greenspan has called “floor time”, relaxed daily time stretched out on a blanket playing age-appropriate games (such as peek-a-boo) with mom and dad. These normal interactions of everyday life, along with the availability of safe, age-appropriate playthings, are truly adequate stimulation for a baby in the first year of life.
However, mothers have needs, too. Although we may love being a mother, it’s normal to need adult companionship as well. Attending baby music or gym classes is a great way to get out and meet other mothers. Try to choose a program that is tailored to your baby’s age and developmental level. Another good option is a mother-baby drop-in program. Remember, this is an opportunity to get out, socialize, and have a change of scenery, but it is not an educational necessity for baby.
With that, the magic child development specialist floated down the street for a latte before returning to her teapot.