Great Beginnings
The Importance of Social Support for New Mothers
Sometimes only other new moms really understand the meaning of sleep deprivation, cracked nipples and the significance of poopy diapers. I am talking about the importance of mutual support and social sharing.
In other parts of the world, new mothers are surrounded and assisted by other women who help and share their knowledge. However, in our mobile society, traditional support systems, including extended family, are less available. Thus, new mothers may find themselves alone, or relying on a partner who is also a new parent.
Among mental health professionals, it is a well-known fact that socially supportive relationships are a cornerstone of healthy family functioning. Parents benefit from relationships that offer valuable resources and information, model positive parenting, and provide stability and an emotional outlet. Therefore, some of us might have to go out of our way to find a vital community of support.
Good Parents Are Not Born
In my case, it was clear that good parents are not born, they are made. I was terrified about being left alone with my newborn baby. I had no experience changing diapers, recognizing his cries, or knowing what do all day at home. I was so used to working and having a set routine. Then the baby was born… I was at home, isolated and in need of human contact. I joined a local mother's group and it really helped. I eagerly anticipated each meeting as it helped structure my day and provided a sense of accomplishment. I was able to learn more about taking care of my baby and myself. Most importantly, I was able to have contact with "grown-ups" where I could talk not only about my baby, but also about myself… my fears, my joys, and my relationships.
Making Connections
I have now come to understand how this peer group of new mothers provided security in a world that was previously unknown to me. This identification and link with others was a growth-promoting, life-enhancing process. What I mean is, moms' groups help women move from isolation, self-doubt and confusion to a sense of connection, knowledge and positive action. Supportive relationships can help us blossom and feel secure, so find or create a new community of mothers you can talk to, hang out with and call for advice or other help.
Through a mothers' group, I met and developed a great friendship with another new mom, Marie. We meet and talk about our babies, our husbands, the latest sales promotion on fashion…and then we both go home and call each other again: "So how did you introduce solids?" "Do you think G can eat meat now?" This last question sent both of us searching on the internet and browsing through books until we reconnected on the phone to decide on whether G should have meat or not. Episodes like these occur a few times a week. Being able to share these special moments with Marie and a couple of other new mom friends, have enhanced my experience during this stage of my life.
Seek And You Shall Find
How can a new mom find a suitable support system? Check bulletin boards in your community, local publications, search the web, ask your doctor or others that have already gone through a similar experience. An important aspect of the search is to be yourself. Do not "settle" for a group where you have to work hard to "fit in" as this does not make a supportive community. I am talking about a place where you feel comfortable. It can take time to find a group of people you can count on but no matter where you live, there really are friends out there. It does not have be a huge group; two or three moms with whom you can hang out with on a somewhat regular basis works!
Experienced mothers will tell you that the key to enjoying the first few months after the baby is born is to get out of the house every day, make new mom friends, and join a mothers' group. It's easy to stay at home, but this will lead to isolation. So start searching today for your vital community of support.