The Importance of New Parent Groups
Like many new parents, the first night we returned home from the hospital—after my husband and I spent a sleepless night with a not-so-happy new baby—we looked at each other and said, “Now what do we do?!”
For that first week home with the new baby, I had John and family to lean on as we plodded our way forward as brand-new parents. The day John went back to work, I panicked. I realized I needed to find a whole new group of friends, colleagues, and confidants. There was no way I was going to survive this alone. How did I go from an independent adult managing a job, a relationship, a house, and countless other responsibilities to feeling so dependent and insecure?
The New Parent Group Search
Logic dictated that there had to be other moms and dads out there going through this same rollercoaster of parenthood. So (in between feedings and diaper changes) I began my hunt to find these other new parents.
There are many options for new parents to meet – or as I quickly learned was more like dating! Hospitals often offer classes for new moms. Many churches have parenting or play groups. Numerous websites and parenting publications provide opportunities and suggestions. Before the birth of my daughter, work colleagues and neighbors told me about several online parent networks and social networking options. Through these resources, I discovered a new moms’ group, a network of stay-at-home-moms, and countless other resources that I would not have survived without.
I quickly learned that no pile of new parenting books, Internet searches, or ventures to the local coffee shop in search of other lonely-looking moms could measure up to the enjoyment and encouragement of new parents’ groups.
Diving In
Through a Chicago based online parents community, I was assigned to a new moms’ group. Eight new moms met at a volunteer’s home. The volunteer host mommy seemed like a seasoned expert with her 18-month-old son running around (providing me with my first glimpse of hope that maybe I, too, would survive). It was so strange to sit in a circle with these other nervous moms and realize that, while we were all totally different, we had essential things in common—we all had the same questions, anxieties, and sleepless nights!
As I explored social networking groups, I was amazed by the sheer number of suggestions from new parents for making connections and finding support. Through these connections, I experienced my first night out as a new mom—without my daughter! I learned how quickly strangers could develop into a support network when you share something as terrifying as new parenthood. Now, my new life as a mommy was shaping up.
Reaping the Rewards
New parents groups have numerous benefits. Through my networking experiences, I learned about the best websites, doctors, classes, and baby-friendly spots to grab coffee or lunch. Parents shared concerns and parenting techniques. If someone’s baby was crying nonstop from six to eight every night, chances are another parent was experiencing or had been through a similar stage. Talking about these issues gave the parents in my groups new ideas for coping with behaviors and concerns. Even sharing less essential information, such as which shoes will stay on your baby’s feet, was helpful and somehow calming.
Popular parenting books, including What to Expect the First Year by Heidi Murkoff and The Complete Book of Baby and Child Care by Paul C. Reisser, M.D., expound on the benefits of joining a new parents’ group. Parents benefit by sharing information and resources. But, really, when it comes down to it, what all parents are searching for is reassurance and camaraderie.
We’re All In This Together
“Knowing that other people were going through the same things that I was going through was the best support of all,” says Heather Schupp, a Chicago parent. The feeling of isolation can come as a surprise to most new parents. “Two things you don't know about parenting until you're in the throes of it: It's relentless, and it's very isolating,” says another Chicago parent, Kerri Kennedy. “There's not much help for the first, but the second can be alleviated through talking with others and realizing that you're all in this awful, beautiful mess together.”
Schupp agrees, “No one tells you how lonely it can be to be a parent. If you choose to continue to work, you wind up trying to balance two competing worlds. If you choose to stay home, I think there's a risk of losing your non-mom identity.” New parents’ groups help alleviate the isolation. “No matter which category you fall into, it always helps to have the support of people who understand exactly what you are going through because they're doing it, too.”
Most new parents‘ groups are low cost—and sometimes free. But the results are priceless! The most important thing I learned through my new parents’ group experiences was that I was not the only parent with doubts and anxieties. Along the way, I also discovered a whole new group of contacts and friends. And, nearly three years later, the parents I met through these new parenting groups I still count among my closest friends.
