Child Development Astounds
With every newborn, an extraordinary drama known as child development unfolds. Parents are always amazed by the changes that occur before their very eyes.
At the heart of this drama lies a paradox that makes development a play we never tire of. The two striking properties of development universal to all healthy children – which seem hard to reconcile – are uniformity and individuality.
Uniformity
Nearly all healthy children follow a very strictly defined set of developmental steps. Children tend to sit before they walk; to walk between 6 months and 2 years of age; to read after 2 and before 8 years of age. Further, each area of development appears to have a set sequence of skills acquisition. Everyone must learn the meaning of a word before they can speak it meaningfully. And so forth.
Individuality
While all healthy children learn to walk, each child learns in their own way. One child may stand prior to her first birthday and rapidly start walking shortly after that day. Another child may stand at about his first birthday, but refuse to let go and take independent steps for 6 more months.
Average Age of Acquisition
For every step in development, there is an average age at which that step is attained. For example, if you take any large group of healthy newborns, and jot down the age at which each first sits well on their own, the average of those ages will be 7 months.
Range of Ages for Acquisition
For every developmental step, there is an age prior to which no one can do that step as well as an age by which nearly everyone can do that step. Between is the range of ages at which healthy children learn a skill. That range is unchanging and fairly limited. But within those limits is quite a party! For sitting, the average age of acquisition is 7 months. The range, however, is 4-13 months.
For every developmental step there is a Period of Absolute Uniformity, a Period of Amazing Variability, and a Period of Not-Quite-Absolute Uniformity.
For sitting, the first period (Absolute Uniformity) is birth to 4 months of age. Why absolute uniformity? Because nobody can sit up on their own when they are this young. In this regard, we are all the same.
The second period (Amazing Variability) is when babies learn to sit on their own, 4 to 13 months. Here, everyone expresses his or her individuality. This infant may suddenly sit on his own at 5 months, this one may be placed in a sitting position with lots of support at 4 months but not able to sit on her own until 8 months, while this infant may insist on leaning on his hands from 6 to 9 months of age and not sit alone until 10 months.
The power of the third period (Not-Quite-Absolute Uniformity) is that everyone who learns to sit will be sitting by age 13 months. After that age, nearly everyone returns to being about the same, able to sit alone.
Worry
The fact that there are ranges of normal development and not exact dates defines one of the key experiences of parenting: Wondering and worrying – Will my child be OK? Every parent worries about the development of their child and the standard, straight-line approach to development only makes things worse.
Most references (both in print and on the Web) present only an exact date, the average age of gaining a skill. This approach could drive anyone mad. Keep in mind that half of all healthy babies learn a particular developmental step after the average age of acquisition! This is normal, both statistically and developmentally.
Not to Worry
One way to think about development that will not induce unnecessary dread is to keep these important points in mind:
- The average age of mastering a developmental step is an artificial number.
- There is a tight range of ages during which more than 95% of children naturally gain each important step of development without teaching.
- It is the range of ages, not the average that is the reality of development. It is in that range of ages that each person expresses his or her own unique approach to mastering the new skill or ability.
- No one learns to smile, grab, sit, or talk truly suddenly. Every step on the path of development has its own unique unfolding.
The Figures Illustrate These Points
Figure 1: This is how most of us think about development: a straight line. At every age our child is supposed to gain the new skill for that age, exactly that age.
Figure 2: This is how development really works. Here we trace how six real children actually acquire a skill (walking, for example). Notice that none could walk prior to a certain age, and nearly all can walk after a certain age. But what a storm of variation in between. Some lines trace sudden ability to walk; others a quick start, then a stall; others a very long wait until they suddenly walk well.
Figure 3: This highlights some features of development. The asterisks mark when each child masters a skill. Notice how some who started earlier actually mastered the skill later (Child B and Child E). Also notice there are some (2-5%) whose development will not turn out typically, who may not be able to acquire the skill in the typical range of ages.
Summary
Development astounds, but it also worries. Every life has its struggles, and every child will find areas of struggle that will greatly worry their parents. For the 95% of development that emerges on time and quite well, let’s find a way to celebrate and enjoy! Your children deserve no less.
To focus solely on the average age of learning strips development of its richness, denies parents the pleasures of immersing themselves in the gorgeous blooming of their child, and creates universes of doubt and worry that need not exist.
