Baby Basics
The Comfort Principles
Right about now, you probably have a calendar somewhere in your house with your baby’s due date marked on it in big bold letters, and if you’ve only got a few weeks left, you’ve probably already packed your bag and have it waiting for you in the corner of your room or by the door. It’s easy to plan for the aspects of having a baby, which are similar to planning a weekend getaway—Clothes for you and baby? Check. Toothbrush, hairbrush, etc? Check. The hardest part is trying to picture your homecoming, though. What kind of baby will you have? The one that every expectant parent dreams of—the one with the rosy apple cheeks, who sleeps through the night right away and never gets a cold, diaper rash or any other baby ailment? Or the baby your best friends and family have warned you about, who seemed to scream incessantly for 5 months?
For the most part, we have little control over early baby behavior. Babies’ personalities form while they are still in the womb, and every baby is unique, even with the same set of parents. However, there are certain things we can do to help smooth the way, to help our babies learn to soothe themselves and accept comfort. My top advice to new parents is to follow the basic principles of “COMFORT.”
CUES from your baby
As a new parent, this tiny creature may seem a bit alien, especially if you’ve had little experience with babies. But if you watch her closely, you’ll find that in her own way, she will tell you what she needs. For example, a hungry newborn will instinctively suck on her hands, lick your clothing, stick out her tongue, and even wiggle herself into a feeding position while you’re holding her–all without any help from you!
OPEN communication
Open communication with your partner is vital. Fathers want to be involved with their babies, but some have difficulty figuring out exactly what their role should be, especially if their own father was not directly involved in early baby care. As moms, we sometimes expect them to be mind readers, and then become frustrated when our own needs for rest and relaxation go unmet.
MASSAGE your baby
There are great classes, books DVD/VHS resources widely available throughout the state to help you learn infant massage techniques. Try checking with your hospital or birth center to find a class in your area. Research shows that babies who are touched and massaged regularly are happier babies, who learn to soothe themselves more quickly and cry less often. And really, what could be nicer than spending some extra time touching that soft baby skin? Massaging your baby is a great way to help develop a strong early bond, and can be just as relaxing for the parent as it is for the baby. Certain techniques, like the “I Love You” stroke, can even help babies who are prone to gassiness and resulting abdominal pain.
FEED on demand
Breastfeeding is best if possible, since it truly promotes all of that skin-to-skin contact which your baby needs to thrive, not to mention being nature’s perfect food source. But regardless of the method you choose, watch your baby’s hunger cues, and try to feed according to his needs, rather than strictly according to the clock. It will be far less stressful for both of you. The same goes for the end of the feeding. If baby turns away and appears no longer interested, don’t try to force him to finish. Wait a little while and try again if you think he is truly still hungry, or just wait until his next feeding.
OK to accept help!
This cannot be stressed enough. It’s so tempting to try to prove something to ourselves by “doing it all.” Many of us fall into this trap, but seriously? You’ve either been through labor, major abdominal surgery, or both. You have nothing to prove. If someone asks if they can help you, let them run a grocery errand for you, prepare a meal, or do a few loads of laundry. Your primary job after giving birth is to get to know your baby, not to be Super-mom.
RESPOND immediately to your baby’s cries.
I know, someone has probably told you not to spoil your baby by holding her too much. This is a myth, which has been repeatedly disproved by literally decades of research, but inexplicably continues to be repeated. It is impossible to spoil an infant with love, affection and appropriate parental attention. Babies have a basic need for touch, and they will often cry to express this need. So when you pick up your baby and she stops crying, you have met that basic need, just as you have by feeding her when she’s hungry, or changing her when her diaper is wet.
TALK, sing, read, and play with your baby
Make eye contact, and watch her responses to you. Babies know and respond to their parents’ voices while in the womb, and they love to interact with you, right from the moment of birth. While a newborn cannot smile, they do make eye contact from the moment of birth, and will even mimic your facial expressions. Try sticking out your tongue at her and watch her response as she copies the action! And by the way—it is also a commonly repeated myth that babies cannot see at birth. They actually can see quite well as long as they are close to you, about 8-15 inches is typical. All the more reason to hold your baby as much as you can! While it may seem like you never put her down, in reality, this time is a fleeting one in your child’s life. By 6-12 months of age, she will be less interested in being held, and more interested in exploring the world around her. So enjoy this time, and trust your instincts. The loving bond you establish now will be the foundation for her lifetime.
