Infant Behavior & Development
Parents are the Experts
There is no shortage of available resources that tell you what you need to know about your child’s behavior, growth and development. These resources are necessary and valuable in many ways. We turn to them when we have questions or when we need advice, help or guidance with our children. However, this access to and reliance on these resources can be overwhelming and make it harder for people to remember who the real experts on children are – their parents. The first step to better understanding your child’s behavior and development is to turn inward and trust yourself, your intuition and your innate knowledge of your child. Uphold and adhere to the belief that you are truly the expert on your child. When parents are tuned in and aware of themselves and their child, understanding and knowledge will follow. Remember that you have everything you need to parent your child in the best way possible.
To help you tune into yourself and trust your instincts as a parent it can be helpful to surround yourself with supportive and caring people. When you are around others who are comforting, encouraging and reassuring to you as a parent it is easier to trust yourself and to follow your child’s lead. Becoming a keen and responsive observer of your child is a key to building the awareness that will aid in your ability to trust your instincts and cultivate the confidence that you are the expert on your child. By observing your child in an unobtrusive and objective manner, you can better understand who he is, what he needs, why he might be behaving in a certain way and simply gain insight and information. Just watch your child without interrupting throughout the course of the day. Notice how your child interacts with toys, other people, objects he sees or noises that he hears. Take note of what seems to interest your child, what elicits emotion in your child and what soothes or calms your child. Let your child help you to get know him better. With this knowledge you can provide your child with toys and experiences that interest and stimulate him, which is a powerful way to promote development.
It is important to remember that each child is a unique individual with his own temperament, skills, abilities and personality. We hear this a lot but it can be difficult to remember when other children might be doing things very differently and seemingly “ahead” of your child. Every child develops at his own pace and it is crucial that we don’t compare children to each other. Embrace their differences, strengths and similarities. As a parent you can certainly do things that will foster and encourage your child’s development but there is nothing that you can do to make or force development to happen. Just as it would be unwise to force a butterfly out of its cocoon before it is ready, we must not push a child to a place that they are not ready for developmentally. When forced to do something too early or too quickly there may be resistance, struggle and ultimately failure.
There are general developmental milestones that occur throughout the first years of life and each will happen within a certain age range. Development occurs sequentially meaning that skills build on each other. For example, a child may be scooting, crawling, pulling to stand or cruising on furniture before learning to walk. Resources to determine particular milestones based on your child’s age are available online, from your doctor’s office or other health care providers. Do not worry if your child has not reached a certain milestone by a particular age or date. Children will move through their development in their own way and at their own pace. However, it is important that you are aware of the broad age ranges during which certain milestones happen so that if you feel your child’s development is slower than the range given you can bring it up with your pediatrician. It is important to intervene early if your child does have a delay in his development so that he can get the needed help to correct the issue. Embrace your child where he is in the present moment because it will pass all too soon. Provide your child with encouragement, support and guidance so that he can flourish, thrive and develop at his own pace.
Following are some suggestions to promote and enhance not only your child’s development but also your understanding of your child’s behavior and development.
Provide your child with infant massage
Set aside some time, daily if possible, to massage your child. Massage provides numerous benefits for you and your child including enhanced overall development, better circulation, improved digestion, increased bonding, stress relief, relaxation and improved sleep. Massage also increases your confidence, your sensitivity to your child’s cues, your ability to soothe and nurture your child and it empowers you as a parent because it enhances your ability to understand and communicate with your baby.
Wearing your baby in a sling, wrap or other type of carrier
This is another excellent way to better understand your child and her development. By being in close contact with your child you can be more aware of everything that is happening with your child including what she needs, what she might be trying to tell you and her general rhythms. Babywearing has a number of benefits including enhanced bonding, happier and more content babies, less crying, improved bodily functions and better sleep. When babies are worn by their parents/caregivers they are able to be involved in daily activities and routines on a more intimate level, which promotes every aspect of their development.
Implementing sign language with your baby
It’s another wonderful way to better understand your child. Babies can communicate with us from birth but not in ways that we can always understand. Sign language can bridge that gap because it provides you and your baby with a way to communicate with each other. Learning how to use sign language is easy and fun. You can take a class or check out a book from the library to get started. Research has shown that babies who sign can begin communicating with signs as early as 4 to 6 months of age; can have a vocabulary of 300 signs and words by 18 months; learn spoken words as easily or easier than non-signers and show cognitive and linguistic advancements by age 4. Sign language is an amazing way to connect with your child and better understand him on every level.
Fostering and understanding your child’s development can be achieved in a variety of ways. Most importantly you must trust your instincts as a parent. Be confident and assured in yourself and in the choices that you make as a parent. Become a keen observer because doing so allows you tremendous insight into your child and who he really is. Accept and love your child for who he is and truly embrace him. Learn to really listen to what your child is trying to tell you. Jean Liedloff said, “A child’s cry is just as serious as it sounds.” This captures the essence of how important it is to remember that our children communicate with us from their earliest days and deserve to be heard and understood. Treat them with the respect you would show any other adult or human being, for your child is no different and deserves no less. It is essential to practice being in the present moment with your child and try not to worry about extraneous things such as the “to do” list or an email that you never sent. When you are with your child devote your attention fully to whatever it is that you are doing. Also, and maybe most importantly, don’t forget to have fun! By being fully present with your children and understanding what they want and are trying to communicate you can foster your children’s development at the pace that they need.