Dads & Dogs
Offering Support During and After Pregnancy
A few years ago, while traveling on a plane, I was describing how I counsel new moms and specialize in postpartum depression. The other passenger told me about a support group at a local hospital for expectant moms who were concerned about their dog’s happiness upon a baby’s impending arrival. I oftentimes think back on this when I hear how dads can be so bewildered when their wives are expecting. Just as you warm up your dog for a new bundle of joy, dad needs training too.
Although dads are definitely excited about a new baby, they are often unprepared on what to expect. Frequently, dads lack understanding about the significant changes he and his wife are about to experience at this exciting time. Dads have difficulty grasping the wide range of emotional changes that a new mom is encountering. No one has told them about the emotional roller coaster of pregnancy and the other unanticipated physical changes. It is, therefore, commonplace for dads to find themselves anxious and uncertain about what to do to help their wives.
In the excitement of having a new baby, does anyone even consider the emotions of new fathers? After all, dad may be is feeling anxious about providing for another person. He questions if there will be a change in his relationship with his wife. In addition, he worries about being a good parent too. Dads may need support groups even more than dogs!
There are some simple and effective ways to help a new father. First, include dad in some of the planning process. For an example, allow him to pick out the theme or colors of the nursery. Include him in some other decisions regarding the baby such as planning the Christening, setting up the swing, or discussing childcare. Invite your spouse to visit the pediatrician, or attend one of the educational seminars for expecting parents such as CPR training or infant childcare.
Spouses will undoubtedly benefit from hearing personal experiences from other dads. In the movie, “Knocked Up,” the male partner reads, What to Expect When Expecting. Today, there are numerous books, websites, and even blogs designated especially for new dads.
It is advisable to continue favorable routine activities together that do not just involve the pregnancy. If it is viable, continue practical sports such as golf, or simply go for walks or get together with friends. Perhaps you two can take up a new activity that requires less physical exertion such as a cooking class, a book club, or anything else that you both will enjoy together.
Additionally, arrange for basic food and drinks for your family while you’re in the hospital. Make him feel special by leaving his favorite snack while you are away. A nice gesture is to leave a sentimental card or to give him a light-hearted gift. Regardless that you may not feel 100 percent, focus attention on the new dad through kindness and by thanking him for his support through this 9 month (or in some cases much longer) process.
Every couple needs time to adjust to a new baby in the house. Be aware of the adjustment not only for you, but for your spouse too. Once home, arrange for a favorite meal whether you cook it or have it delivered home! Remember, to comb your hair, put on lipstick, and overall, resume dressing like the way you did prior to your pregnancy wardrobe. Within 3 to 6 months, arrange to have a date night and experience being a couple once again.
Do you remember the concern felt for a dog awaiting a new baby in the home? Similar to the extra pats for your dog, a little tender loving care for your partner will go a long way!