Postpartum Happiness
The One Secret You Should Know
Having a new baby is an amazing time in your life! I remember feeling like I could touch the hand of God at the birth of my first child. It was truly a miracle. All I had ever wanted was to be a mommy. I was happily married, mature and thrilled that my dream of becoming a mom was about to become a reality. I was ready for this challenge called motherhood…or so I thought!
Labor and delivery was smooth and uncomplicated, just as I had anticipated. We were blessed with a beautiful and healthy baby girl. And, she had a set of lungs that really worked well! The first few days went perfectly, as I had expected, but then it all started going downhill. She was not eating well, and breastfeeding was much more challenging than I ever thought it would be. She cried all the time because she was hungry. I cried all the time. Neither of us slept. We just went into a downward spiral together. I just kept thinking to myself, “What in the world is going on here?” Having such a difficult time as a mother was never part of my plan! I felt guilty having the feelings that I was having. I didn’t know who to talk to or where to turn, and I sank into a deep postpartum depression. My doctor was not very helpful, and the lactation consultant I visited was all business and no support! My family was sympathetic, but they didn’t understand what was going on. I thought I could handle it all on my own. After all, I was a college-educated, 28-year-old woman! I didn’t need help being a mother. I was so wrong.
We eventually made our way out of the dark abyss and into a happy life. But, my difficulties in those first few months as a new mother made me realize that there is one very important secret to postpartum happiness. You must get support. Having support is the secret to finding peace and joy as you begin your new life with your baby.
You cannot do it all by yourself, no matter how mature, how excited, or how competent you are. Don’t even try! When I had my first child, I tried to do it all. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that life is the same as it was before baby. It is totally different, and you need all the support you can get to make the transition as easy as possible. Lean on your husband. Lean on a friend. Lean on your mother. Find someone you can talk to. Find someone you can leave the baby with for an hour while you rejuvenate and refresh. Being a mom is not a sprint, it is a marathon. If you try to do it all yourself, you will burn yourself out before your first week of mommyhood is even over! You will collapse before you reach the finish line. People want to help you. Let someone else make dinner. Give your husband the overnight responsibility sometimes so that you can have a full night of uninterrupted sleep. Find other new mommies to talk to and share challenges and victories with. You might even consider hiring a postpartum doula. They are worth their weight in gold!
You know, the funny thing is that when people run marathons, they spend months in preparation before lining up at the starting line. They spend months in physical, mental, and emotional preparation so that when the big day arrives, their bodies (and their minds) know exactly what to do. We don’t do that for motherhood (and motherhood lasts longer than 26.2 miles)! True, we know things are going to change, but we don’t realize how much they are going to change until we actually start wearing our new mommy hat. We don’t prepare ourselves mentally or physically for the busy and chaotic six weeks after baby is born. We are thrust into the reality of motherhood when the nurses wave goodbye to us at the hospital door. Now what?! Prepare yourself as much as you can before you deliver, and then get support when you bring baby home. Gather the phone numbers of lactation consultants, postpartum doulas, pediatricians, friends, family, and other support professionals. Contact those people in advance to tell them that you may need their support after your baby is born. Getting support is the only way to stay mentally, physically and emotionally well…and to be able to enjoy your new role as a mommy!