Getting Dad-to-Be Involved
So you find out you’re pregnant and all kinds of thoughts are running through your head. You know you have to visit a doctor. You start evaluating lifestyle changes you should make. You consider whom you are going to share the news with. Then you think about the dad-to-be. When you are ready, you finally tell him. How did he respond?
When you think about it, you have already gotten a head start, now dad-to-be has to catch up. It may take some time for him to adjust. You may feel like it’s taking longer than you expected. Be patient with dad. I may seem unfair that most of the responsibility is on you. Although you feel sick, your breast are tender, and you are slightly irritated more than usual, you still have to go to work and take care of your other daily tasks. You may feel like dad-to-be doesn’t understand. Pregnancy is stressful on even the best relationship. If you’re not careful, the majority of your frustration will get taken out on him.
Respecting and listening to each other are pivotal in keeping your connection strong during pregnancy. Nevertheless, the fact is that dad bonds with and feels a connection with the unborn baby by being around you and being involved in the pregnancy. Think about how you treat each other. The simplest and most effective way to get dad involved is to communicate early and often how you feel. The more dad feels like he is part of the process, the more involved he will become.
As a childbirth educator, when I tell dads they are pregnant too, they laugh. Mom-to-be is physically carrying the unborn baby, but dads go through physical and emotional changes during pregnancy as well. When I explain it further, they smile and agree. Dads are thinking the same things you are. Am I going to be a good parent, can we really afford a baby, and juggling work and family are just a few questions you are both concerned about. Yes, some dads even have nausea or vomiting, and gain weight. Most dads realize the importance of prenatal care, so invite him to come with you. Enroll in childbirth and parenting classes.
I think, if surveyed, most dads would say they felt like they were supportive and involved during pregnancy; but what would you say? Ponder your response for a moment. Most moms-to-be that I talk to say, “Yes he is, but...” Are you smiling in agreement? I sometimes find that moms are hard on dads. When both parents communicate their expectations and needs, the answer is more likely to be “yes” without the “but”. Parents have to work together in making decisions that affect the pregnancy and baby to come.
Overall, moms have greater knowledge of pregnancy and parenting than dads, so cut dad some slack. Moms need to remember that you both need support as you grow into parenthood. Also dads do things different, especially with babies. This doesn’t mean they are any less important. Making your relationship with dad a priority is the most important way to get and keep dad involved. Moms-to-be are talking to their mom, other pregnant women and their doctor. You are reading magazines and going online to get information. Share information you learn with dad. Let him know you are listening to him too. When dad makes a comment, give dads opinion serious consideration. Mom can unknowingly continuously belittle dad. This may cause dad to back away.
If your dad-to-be has been involved from the beginning, he probably had a good foundation from which to draw. Whether he had an example of fatherhood or not, something happened that caused him to decide he would do whatever it takes to support his pregnant partner. If before the end of your pregnancy you are not getting the involved response from dad you expect, evaluate your relationship using the information above. Find a local support network. Whether you are single or married, pregnancy will change your relationship, but remember your relationship will affect your child.