Survival Guide for Dads
Understanding the Trimesters
Preparing for a baby is an enormous change in one’s lifestyle, mindset, and physical environment. If you are wondering how you or your spouse will make it through the next nine months you are not alone.
The First Trimester: Hormones, Exhaustion, and Morning Sickness
Your partner may feel fine during the first few months of pregnancy, or she may be exhausted and needing a few naps during the day. Her hormones are at hard work, shaping the new life she carries within her. Remember that her hormone shifts are temporary and eventually your partner's moods and emotions will return to normal.
Morning sickness affects only some women and most find this symptom disappears in 2-3 months. Unfortunately," morning sickness" is a misnomer because many women are sick all day and all night. Food odors or other smells may trigger a bout of nausea, as will eating certain foods. Some men find the site or sound and their partner getting sick is enough to have them running to the restroom as well. Here is what you can do …
For your partner:
Help her find "safe" foods. Ask her physician for recommendations. Some women find crackers, ginger ale, or lemonade may help. Many women agreed that an empty stomach causes extreme nausea. Give your partner support. Believe it or not, there are books about morning sickness and how to conquer the symptoms. There are also non-medication devices that may work as well as medication for severe cases of nausea. Have you partner discuss these with her physician.
For yourself:
Stay active. Continue your weekly physical fitness routine activities. Find a friend who also enjoys the same sports or hobbies and get out of the house. Talk with a trusted friend, particularly one who is also a new dad. You will be surprised that your apprehensions and fears are extremely common.
The Second Trimester: Sex? What's That?
Your partner’s body will begin to dramatically change during this period she may gain weight quickly and the baby will suddenly make its presence known. During this trimester you'll hear your baby's heart rate and see your child on the ultrasound.
Some expectant fathers note that their partner’s sexual desire changes during the second trimester. Each woman responds differently to the changes taking place inside her. Some women are more easily aroused and want sex more frequently; others may simply be too tired or worried that sex may harm the baby. Every couple experiences this trimester differently—there is no right or wrong approach to your sex life.
Try to talk openly about the changes that are taking place your spouse may fear that her body is no longer sexy: which is enough to decrease her sex drive. Be honest with your partner about the changes that are occurring and communicate your needs to her as well. Learn to compromise now; it will be great for the upcoming challenge of parenting.
For your partner:
Help with chores around the house and with housework. There is nothing worse than feeling sick and having to look at a messy house. Encourage your partner. Give her positive feedback, even when she looks horrible and is too sick to change her pajamas. Tell her how excited you are about being a dad and that you know she will be a terrific mom.
For yourself:
Join a “dads group”. There are many types of support group for new fathers. Go to the meetings, and you will be surprised that other men have the same issues and concerns as you may have. Hearing how others cope with the issues and solve them may be a big help and relief to you. Write down your expectations of being a father, of what type of parent you want to be, and share your thoughts with your partner. It helps to talk about parenting styles and discipliner before situations arise.
The Third Trimester: Preparing for Labor and Delivery
Childbirth classes can help at this point. Contact your local hospital or obstetrician's office to discuss your options as there many types of classes available depending on the class content and the instructor. Childbirth education classes offer an excellent opportunity to interact with other expectant parents. Ask as many questions as possible. The instructor should be a registered nurse or certified labor assistant and will be able to answer all types of questions. Don't be embarrassed by your questions; the teacher has usually assisted at multiple births and as witnessed a variety of situations. You may have the opportunity to view the videotape of a live birth. Although these videos are educational, they do tend to be explicit in nature.
Your partner may begin to express a great deal of fear about giving birth, including fear of the pain. Reassuring her may not seem to help. Show her that you care by offering her support and reassurance. Ask her what you can do to help before and throughout the birthing process.
For your partner:
Prepare a birth plan with your spouse, which is an outline of how you want your childbirth experience to progress. Thank of a birth plan as more of a wish list that may or may not come through since neither of you can control the events during childbirth. Bring your birth plan to your partner’s physician and discuss it prior to labor and delivery. Make sure everything you wish for is something he/she can provide and is in agreement with. Help your partner pack her hospital bag. Include support items for both of you. Bring snacks, magazines, and distraction materials like a deck of cards. Many father's wish they remembered basic things such as cameras, chewing gum, breath minutes and a change of clothes. Don’t forget to bring clothes for the baby.
For yourself:
Be prepared. Pay close attention in the childbirth classes and be an active participant. Read as much as you can about labor and delivery. Realize your limitations. It is important understand that no amount of preparation, reading, or support can prepare you for the enormous responsibility associated with childbirth and parenting. Know your limits and keep in mind that it may be very difficult to see your partner experience pain during labor and delivery.