Choosing an Au Pair
Critical Issues in Finding Day Care
Interviewing a prospective caregiver for our children is one of the most critical tasks that we, as parents, can perform. Yet, in many cases, we devote little time and preparation to an endeavor that will have a significant and lasting impact on the growth and development of our children. The following suggestions may be helpful the next time you are faced with the challenge of finding a new caregiver for your children.
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Begin the interview by allowing yourself and the candidate to introduce yourselves. You should then describe your family situation, child-rearing priorities, methods of discipline, and your children's routines. Throughout the interview process, you should cultivate a relaxed atmosphere to facilitate an open exchange.
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After you have identified all of your requirements, start asking open-ended questions that will allow the caregiver to talk freely. An example would be, "You care for three children now; tell me about them." Don't be worried about silence after you ask such a question. It shows that she is thinking.
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How she describes the children she has cared for and her relationships with them can tell you a lot about her feelings toward children, her ability to empathize and bond, and the type of children with which she feels most confident. If she elaborates on particular incidents with children, you will gain insights into how she reacts and responds to different kinds of situations and problems. Ask her to describe specifically a problem she has had with a child. What she says will convey a lot about what she considers a problem, how she accepts responsibility, how she reacts under stress, her judgmental skills, and her compassion.
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Ask her to tell you something about her family and friends. Does she describe them lovingly, humorously? Does she have long-term relationships? What does she enjoy doing? How does she react to and cope with problems?
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Ask her to describe activities and pursuits she enjoys. Is she an indoor or outdoors type? Has she pursued a challenging activity or sport? Is she cheerful? Is she open to new situations? This is your opportunity to assess the caregiver's characteristics and qualities against the needs of your children.
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Ask her to describe herself. Is she a morning person (very important if she will care for your children early in the day)? Is she easygoing and flexible (a must if your children are very small)? Does she seem to understand and like herself?
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Ask what motivates her to care for children. Does she really love children? Or are financial concerns the primary motivation?
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Most important, always trust your gut feelings - those subjective feelings that we have in response to any person. Keep track of your internal reactions to the caregiver, especially if they fluctuate noticeably. For example, are you impressed with her one minute, and then put off by another response the next minute? Later, when you are putting everything into perspective, try to identify the real reason for any negative reactions on your part.
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Before concluding the interview, always ask for personal and work references. Take the time to call these references and speak with them, at length, about the caregiver.
The bottom line is that we, as parents, are ultimately responsible for the decisions we make for the care of our children. Select a caregiver only after you have carefully considered your circumstances, expectations and needs against the personal qualities of the caregiver. Never rush your decision - it is on of the most important ones that you will ever make!
