How New Dads Can Help With Breastfeeding
Jewelry is always good! (ha-ha!) Seriously, a common feeling new fathers have during the first year of their infant’s life is one of being “left out”. This happens especially if your wife is breastfeeding because of the strong mother-infant attachment that occurs through nursing.
Not to worry, there are still two very important roles for fathers, which are: sharing in the care of the newborn and mothering of the mother. Honestly, many new dads are uncomfortable physically handling a tiny baby and equally as uncomfortable caring for a postpartum woman, who may be barely recognizable as the person they once knew! Trust me, she’s in there and I’m going to help you find her!
First, understanding the normal hormonal changes that occur after a woman delivers a baby is a good start. A new mom can switch between confidence and euphoria to uncertainty and depression. Sometimes, she feels in tune with the baby and sometimes distant. For the most part, this is normal. It takes quality time for the mother to know the baby and the baby to know the mother. Soon, they will be in a state of mutual sensitivity. The dad needs to create an environment that allows this bonding and attachment to take place and develop. So, it is critical to understand the importance of it, support it and not be threatened by it.
Second, keep the house tidy! Take over the housekeeping or hire someone to do it. Not necessary to polish the silver but straighten up the kitchen, bathroom and do some laundry. A messy house can be very unsettling for everyone, especially a new mom. This creates anxiety for her, which directly impacts the baby.
Third, be the servant and waiter! Pass out refreshments throughout the day. Moms need to eat and drink as they burn about 500 calories per day producing breastmilk. Try serving breakfast in bed or take a walk with your baby while your wife takes a long bath, shower or nap. Show her you love her by giving her a neck or back massage. Hiring a massage therapist also works well as a special treat.
Fourth, protect against intruders. Be sensitive to your wife’s need to rest and nest with the baby. Turn off the blackberry or cell phone, take the phone off the hook if necessary. Screen visitors at the door or use a “do not disturb” sign. Socialize only when you both want to and are ready to show off your little one.
Fifth, guard against unhelpful advice. That’s why we have “caller ID”! Your partner is particularly vulnerable to any negativity related to her ability to care for the baby. Even the most confident of moms have been brought down by bad advice from well meaning but intrusive visitors. If you sense that someone is upsetting your partner, shield her! Guard her and safeguard your style of feeding and parenting. Keep in mind, it could be your own mother that you may have to confront. (that’s a whole other column!).
Sixth, take ownership. By learning to hold and comfort your baby, you will get a chance to develop your own nurturing skills. Your partner may be reluctant to share the baby care with anyone at first, even you….this is normal. It is also common that your partner may “watch you like a hawk” waiting to rescue the baby from you. Guilty as charged!
I remind many new moms that the dads need a chance to find their way and need time to work it out. Fathers bring something unique to the child that we simply cannot. So pouncing is not the answer! Patience and practice is. You accomplish this by holding your baby and taking part in their daily care as much as possible. Trust me, your partner will become more comfortable handing the baby over as soon as you become more confident at comforting and caring for your baby.
In closing, statistics show that fathers are the most important influence on a new mom’s ability to breastfeed. By following the above advice, your support and involvement will ensure that you, as well as your partner, will have a well-bonded, healthier and happier relationship with your baby. And if that doesn’t work…there’s always the jewelry!