Expectant Fathers:
The Journey to Fatherhood

In my classes for expectant fathers, I always ask the men, “How many of your fathers were at your births?” Usually no one raises his hand. But when I ask how many men plan to attend their child’s birth, all hands go up! Today, men have genuine interest in preparing themselves for and for participating in the birth of their children. This is not a casual change in men’s attitude about birth, but a profound change in our culture. Families are changing.

More and more expectant Dads are becoming involved in the process that begins during pregnancy and leads to parenting, fatherhood, and family. During pregnancy, as the baby is growing inside of Mom and the focus of Mom’s attention is on the new life within, the more subtle changes that her husband is experiencing and expressing often get overlooked.

When a woman shares with her husband that she is pregnant, it’s usually met with both excitement and fear. Since men are raised to be “in control” and know how to “take charge,” it’s frightening to realize that we don’t know what we’re supposed to do. The single most important step for fathers to take in pregnancy is to attend prenatal visits with their wives. For one, it begins to demystify the process of birth, but a more important point is how much closer to their wives they begin to feel. This is especially true when their wives can express how much it means to them to have their husbands participating. Although pregnancy is uncharted territory for both men and women, if they both feel that they’re in it together, there’s a special closeness that can develop, as well as a reduction in anxiety in the preparation for birth.

Childbirth education classes offer a chance for Dad to understand the physiology of the birth process, prenatal health care, and how the fetus develops. Most expectant Dads benefit from seeing and hearing what other Dads have to say.

Expectant Dads slowly grow in their confidence, from the prenatal visits to the prenatal classes and finally to the birth. Just as the nine months has given baby time to develop, Dad-to-be has become ready to welcome his child into the world. Throughout pregnancy, the expectant Dad has been considering (both consciously and unconsciously) how to make the transition into his new role as a father. Dad knows how amazing and profound the birth process is for his wife, and hopefully his wife is developing an understanding that the most important change in his life is the journey to fatherhood.

Dad has probably considered how much time he will take off work, or how he and his wife are going to begin to create their work/family balance. As Mom has focused on the immediacy of the birth, Dad has been “taking care” of their relationship by looking out to the horizon beyond the birth, and has begun to think about how their lives will change as parents.

Provided by Bruce Linton, Ph.D., a licensed marriage and family therapist and founder of the Fathers’ Forum programs. He is the father of two children and author of Finding Time for Fatherhood: the Emotional Concerns of Men as Parents.