The Joys of Foster Parenting
The following is not an unusual scenario about a five year old that seems to happen with more and more frequency to some children – perhaps right in your neighborhood:
A five year old child is taken from her bed in the middle of the night. Something has happened to her parents or relative who was her only caregiver. Not old enough to comprehend what is happening, strangers come in the night and take her to what she eventually comes to know as a foster home. Even though the strangers try to explain what is going on, she still does not understand.
Through no fault of her own, by the time she turns thirteen; she has lived in seventeen various types of homes, including several foster homes. She smiles all the time because she doesn’t want anyone to know how hurt she is inside. If she smiles, then someone might think she’s cute enough to want to take her into their home…forever.
Do you want to affect the consequences and perhaps the ending of the above story? You can become a foster parent!
Qualifications for becoming a Foster Parent:
Many children in foster care are frightened; many no longer trust adults. You will need to provide emotional support, consistency, understanding and guidance. Your home, whether you rent or own it, must meet life and safety standards.
Kathy Hutton, her husband and three children moved to Ridgewood, New Jersey fifteen years ago. They saw children growing up in Ridgewood who experienced a high standard of living and attended public schools that provided an excellent education. Parents were committed to high achievement levels. Kathy and her husband Bob felt their children growing up in Ridgewood might never know there was another side to life where children were not loved, cared for or felt safe.
As parents and as a family, they made a conscious decision to become foster parents, where they would provide a home where children knew they were loved. Contacting the Division of Youth and Family Services (also known as DYFS) in Hackensack, New Jersey, they took the necessary training, going through the process required to take children into their home who had no place to go.
“At first, the Division of Youth and Family Services would call me at 2 am with a child or adolescent who desperately needed a place to go,” said Kathy. “We took them in but shortly realized with the young age and needs of our children, it was too difficult.” Kathy, realizing her strength was the ability to raise young children, told DYFS they would only take in babies and young children. “This is when a full sense of joy began,” Kathy said, when they received two young children, one of whom ended up attending school with her youngest child.
“It shocked my children to realize the two boys had never played outside, or knew how to throw a ball or the development of any other sports skill.” Rather than feel sorry for them, the whole family wrapped their love around the two children, teaching them how to ride a bike, catch a pop fly, or hike in the woods.
Over the years, Kathy said they have had 19 foster children in their home, ages 4 months to 2 ½ years. All participated in all aspects of the Hutton’s life - vacations, outings, and even grandparent visits. The first two children ended up staying the longest (2 ½ years) and were eventually adopted. Both boys stay in touch and are on their way to becoming successful adults. The others (many just babies) were there for a much shorter time, either going back to a parent or placed with a relative.
Today their oldest son, who graduated from college, is working in Washington, D.C. Their daughter is in college, their youngest at Ridgewood High School. Again, accessing the changing needs of herself and her family, and her extended family with aging parents, the Huttons have become “vacation” or respite foster parents. They take in the children of other foster parents when they go on vacation or when events happen in their lives, making it difficult to bring their foster children with them.
Kathy concluded by saying “My family wouldn’t change any experience with any of the children who have been in our home.” Recently she found out her son in Washington enjoyed the presence of the foster children so much growing up, he volunteers as a “pseudo” case worker for two young girls through the Division of Youth and Family Services in D.C.