Attachment Parenting
Parenting Your Stone Age Baby
All babies are Stone Age babies. We, as humans, are born the most helpless of all mammals and need another human (preferably mom or dad) to meet our most basic needs for food, shelter and warmth. Babies do not know they were born in 2004 … they are the same as babies born in the Stone Age. All babies know are the sounds and smells they have experienced for the last months in mom’s belly. Babies are used to being held 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. They are also used to being fed constantly, and do not know the feeling of hunger. Consequently each infant is born with many expectations.
The first days of a newborn’s life are full of changes for everyone, changes as mom learns how to breastfeed and care for her new baby; changes for dad as he learns all about this baby he has only known through his wife over the last months; but most of all, changes for this new being, so new to the world. The baby’s whole body goes through many changes as he learns to breathe oxygen, as he learns what texture feels like, as he smells his environment, and as he adapts to only being fed about half the time of his life instead of all the time. In short, he needs time to adjust to his environment.
Babies expect to be held – to be held all the time. Babies love, and actually thrive, when they are provided with skin-to-skin contact from the mother or father. Skin-to-skin contact enhances breastfeeding, encouraging mom to make more milk, helps the baby maintain his body temperature more easily in the early days and weeks as well as helping him establish a healthier breathing pattern. Skin-to-skin contact also helps the baby develop trust and faith in his new environment. Babies expect to stay close to their moms.
Breastfeeding is a wonderful way to meet a baby’s needs. The warm milk not only provides nutrition, but comfort and reassurance. The smell of mother’s milk is similar to the smells of the womb environment, helping to bridge the gap. Breastmilk is perfectly made to meet baby’s needs in the early days, full of antibodies and immunities, it helps to protect the baby and keep baby healthy. As the baby grows and changes, so does the milk, continuing to meet baby’s needs for as long as the baby breastfeeds. The milk knows exactly what nutritional components are needed by each unique baby. There are so many emotional, nutritional, health and physical benefits to breastfeeding for mother, baby, and the family. Babies need to be breastfed on cue. They determine how much they eat and how often. Attending to babies in this way ensures healthy development.
Babies are born with wonderful instincts to help get their needs met. They communicate non-verbally to their parents who are also equipped with great instincts. If all is going well, parents are cued into the baby’s needs and will respond to the numerous ways a baby communicates non-verbally. Generally, a baby will communicate non-verbally for about 20 minutes prior to crying to get a response. Crying is a type of distress signal the baby puts out; it is the parent’s responsibility to respond to it immediately. Parenting by instinct and responding to baby immediately promotes attachment and trust in the infant. If you, as a parent, are encouraged to follow your instincts you will not make “mistakes”. Trust your heart, your heart will tell you what your baby needs. Trust the baby too! Your baby is your guide and will teach a parent as much as a parent will teach the baby. Baby’s first year is all about establishing mutual trust – and building dependence on an attachment figure. It is essential to the learning of independence that a foundation of dependence is established in the early years of life.
There is a “new” name for parenting that encourages following your instincts called “attachment parenting”. All attachment parenting really is is following your instincts, tuning in to baby’s cues and doing what feels right. This does not mean following what a book may tell you to do, but rather figuring out what the baby’s needs are – meeting the baby’s needs as immediately as you can, and making your own rules that fit your family. Attachment parenting encourages the following: preparation for childbirth, emotional responsiveness, breastfeeding your baby, baby wearing or carrying your baby, sharing sleep, avoiding frequent or prolonged separation from your baby, positive discipline and maintaining balance in your family life. All of this will flow naturally as you learn to parent by trusting your instincts and following your baby’s cues.
It is important to learn about parenting ahead of time. Most couples will spend many hours reading and attending classes related to preparing for childbirth. Pregnancy and childbirth take up 9 months in your life, and offer a wonderful opportunity to get to know your body and to be connected with your baby, culminating with the rite of passage – birth. Take time as well to learn about parenting and about babies. Read books, attend a Preparation for Parenting class, learn about baby care and infant development. You will be a parent for the rest of your life! Take some time out to prepare for this most awesome experience.
New parents need to remember that you and your baby need time to get to know each other and the baby needs time to get to know his new environment. Treat your baby as if it were born in the Stone Age. Love, kiss, cuddle, breastfeed and hold your baby skin-to-skin, and respond to his cues immediately. Your baby depends on you to care for him and does not care that it is 2004 – That will come in time. At the end of the day … follow your heart and trust your instincts. You have waited to be a parent for a long time – enjoy each moment, don’t rush things, and know that every day everything changes.