Calming Your Crying or Colicky Baby
Tips for New Parents with Fussy Newborns

Crying, what it means

It is important to realize that babies cry for many reasons (hunger, loneliness, irritability, need to be burped or changed, fear, feel overwhelmed). Understanding your baby cries can be a bit challenging; but once you understand why and practice meeting their needs, parenting becomes much easier. Babies usually have different "pitches" to their cries. Figuring out what their cries sound like when they are hungry, or when they have "gas", etc. can help you and your baby communicate. Quite often parents usually comment that they can understand their baby's crying when he or she is about three weeks old.

Colicky or just High Need?

• Colic is an inclusive term that is used to describe a baby who has bouts of crying that lasts for about an hour, and appears at least three times a week. No one really knows why colic starts in an otherwise healthy baby. Some doctors say that it could be from a developing digestive system that "goes out of whack" at times, or from being over stimulated as they develop neurologically. There are others who say that it could be from intestinal discomfort or from Acid Reflux. And finally there are some doctors who say that it is an unexplained phenomena which usually begins around three weeks and resolves by three or four months of age.

  * It is important to know that if your baby seems gassy, spits up frequently during and after feedings that you talk with your Pediatrician about the possibility that the fussiness might be due to milk allergies or allergies to mothers diet(if nursing).

• High need is a term that is used for babies who are not self-soothing; are separation sensitive, uncuddly, unable to be put down and super sensensative.

Soothing your baby

Well meaning friends, family members and sometimes people you don't know will say things like, "Don't hold them too much, you'll spoil them or Just let them cry it out.", or if you are nursing, "Feed him, maybe you don't have enough milk; he looks hungry to me."

What seems to work:

• Go with your parental feelings. There are different parenting philosophies (Sears, Spock, Leach, Brazelton). It is important to remember that there is no one right way. You have to find what you feel comfortable with; take a little from this and a little from that one and embrace what you as parents feel works best for you and your individual child.

• Give nurturing prompt responses.

What doesn't seem to work:

• Letting your baby cry it out – it only escalates things, mothers are biologically inclined to respond to their baby crying by mothering hormones. Moms milk will lit down if she hears her baby or even another baby cry.

  Crying it out can actually desensitize your parental intuition that might otherwise tell you when your baby is sick, cold, and afraid.Philosophy of crying started in the 1890 when scientific studies and knowledge were thought to be best. Moms looked to Dr. instead of their own moms or instead of their mom tuition. Broke down a mom's ability to feel comfortable with her mom skills.

• Compromising your parental belief system – if you don't think its right don't do it.

Coping Skills

Feeling overwhelmed, alone , defensive, resentful , afraid , controlled, tied down, and worried are all natural feelings when you are a parent; especially of a high-need or colicky baby.

• Be positive, even when things get difficult. Try to praise your child, spouse and yourself for special qualities you each have.
• Be patient, in time your child will outgrow this stage. Be patient with yourself, being a parent is learning and growing process.
• Realize your child is unique and a special individual. All children are different and need to be parented differently.
• Don't burn out. Take breaks from your child, get help
• Share the work with your spouse, be a team
• Read a few good books: The Fussy Baby Book, Sears and Sears; Touchpoints, Brazelton, The Baby Book, Sears and Sears; The Complete Book of Breastfeeding, Eiger & Olds.

Baby Soothers

• Wear baby in a sling- in other countries babies tend to cry less, in part because they are carried and held by parents, extended family members. Sling babies cry 40% less
• When in doubt offer the breast
• Baby dance.
• Go for a ride in the car
• Stroller time
• Place baby on beach or Birth ball (on stomach)
• Colic carries
• Soothing sounds
• Soothing touches
• Nestle holding, nestle sleeping

Find Support

Don't try to do it alone. There are many different types of support to turn to.

• Ask family members to come and be with your baby while you take time for yourself and your spouse.
• Ask your pediatrician if you think it might be a medical reason for the crying
• Keep a Journal
• Join a support group(nursing mothers, LLL, parenting group, playgroup)
• Find a Doula (an experienced and knowledgeable mother) to help you with parenting skills, coping skills, practical household support, and emotional support.

Will My Baby Outgrow This!?

As babies grow they have developmental milestones. As they develop and become interested in play and in the world around them they become distracted and seem to outgrow the fussiness. Babies also learn to self-pacification skills, which enable them to comfort themselves. Take heart, this trying time will end and baby will grow into a new stage of adventure, learning and fun.

• 1 month – Babies can see much better and a calm and loving face is a comfort to them.
• 3-4 months – Babies are more neurologically developed and are interested in the world around them they as well develop more regular sleeping, eating and waking times , are able to find their thumbs, hands and feet to explore and find comfort in.
• 18 months – The adventurer stage begins and baby will be walking, talking, climbing, etc.

The author, Ursela Morton is a certified Childbirth Educator, Lactation Consultant, Birth and Postpartum Doula, and proud mom of four. She founded Mother To Mother: Birth and Postpartum Support Service, Inc. in 1996 which provides supportive and educational care for mothers and families in Southeastern Pennsylvania, New Jersey, Delaware, Maryland and Washington D.C.