Creating a Family
Bonding with Your Child Through Music
"Ms. Klaber, I have my own little life," Jason told me in our classroom just after he'd turned three. His big blue eyes shining with the realization, my young friend left me sitting speechless on the floor and moved on to his next thing. He absolutely did—and does—have his own life, and he probably wants the same basic things out of that life that most people do: the joyful giving and receiving of love; the respect that comes from understanding and being understood; and the freedom that independence, competence, confidence, and security can provide.
Young children are people, too—people who've been born more recently than we have. It can be a challenge for us to interact with them since they don't have the same perspectives and communication methods we have, but there are many more similarities between Us and Them than there are differences. Kids focus on these commonalities, and strive to find ways of creating and nurturing bonds with significant adults in their lives—to be like us. In the words of education researcher Dr. Maria Montessori, "A child is an eager observer and is particularly attracted by the actions of . . . adults and wants to imitate them. . . An adult can be an inspiration for the child's actions, a kind of open book wherein a child can learn how to direct his own movements." When we set up opportunities for babies and young children to participate in our activities, we not only show them how to be with us, but also that we want them to be with us.
Having a baby means having a family—a unique group with its own culture, memories and values that members develop and enjoy together. You're the parent so you get to create the framework for that intimate community that you and your descendents will cherish for life. How would you like it to be?
Working as a group establishes and fosters a family culture of cooperation, respect and fun that lasts a lifetime. Making up and enjoying simple family rituals, routines and projects can go a long way toward making your house a home. Collaborative activities that encourage cooperation, and which focus on the process instead of the product, are ideal opportunities for people of all ages who care about one another to bond. Family activities can be as complex as cultivating a vegetable garden or producing a documentary film, or as simple as folding the washcloths or finger-painting.
Favorite Pittsburgher Fred Rogers considered music-making the ideal family activity. "Music is the one art we all have inside," he said. "We may not be able to play an instrument, but we can sing along or clap or tap our feet. Have you ever seen a baby bouncing up and down in the crib to some music? All of us have had the experience of hearing a tune from childhood and having that melody evoke a memory or a feeling. The music we hear early on tends to stay with us all our lives." Several researchers have theorized that music is beneficial from an evolutionary biology standpoint, saying that music bonds us by supporting communication; that musical ability attracts others to us; and that music calms and quiets us. Indeed, babies' cortisol (stress hormone) levels decrease measurably when significant adults sing to them.
According to scientists at the Center for Music and Young Children, all children are musical, and everyone can achieve Basic Music Competence (singing in tune and keeping a beat), provided that their early experiences support such development. The most important factor is adult involvement. The participation and modeling of parents and caregivers—regardless of their musical ability—is essential to a child's musical growth. When people of all ages make music together in a playful, developmentally appropriate, non-performance-oriented learning environment that's musically rich and immediately accessible, children (and adults) grow musically and form lifelong family bonds.
Oh, but you can't sing? Yes, you can! It's a common misconception that most people are not musical. In fact, 84% of us are born with average or above-average aptitude for music. It's just a matter of converting that potential into actual achievement through active participation in music-making. Our brains' musical systems are most malleable before age five so now is the time for you and your family to start.
Respond to every spontaneous, funny-sounding musical moment—including after your child has begun producing recognizable speech. Play with sounds you can make, imitating each other. Improvise silly lyrics to favorite songs, or make up songs without any words at all. Find the beat in the music you're singing along with on the radio, and tap that beat gently on your baby's body (in or ex utero) or sway to that beat to help your child identify and internalize it too. The disposition to be musical comes from parents' and significant caregivers' modeling of music-making with enjoyment and involvement. How much do you need to know about music to do that?
The mixed-age nature of a family creates a natural and diverse community for ideal intergenerational cooperation, and making music is something everybody can do. Live, active, playful collaboration establishes respect for all the participants, and all levels and types of their contributions. Hearing and creating music with a variety of tonalities and meters (sound recipes) builds a balanced and nutritious buffet which can be sampled and played with collectively in any place, at any time throughout life, with or without specific equipment or instruments. You always have your body with you!
Collaborative family activities can help your family members experience the love, respect and freedom that they—and you—want out of life, and they'll help you come together in a way that's unique, memorable and fun. How does that sound?
