Congratulations!! Your partner is pregnant! As her belly gets bigger, she becomes more involved in that little being she is carrying. She reads the books, she makes the plans, she shops, and she nests. She seems to know exactly what is happening, and what she needs to do. You’re feeling a little lost, a little confused, and maybe just a little superfluous. What are you supposed to do?
Be her rock.
She needs you now, more than ever.
Physically - Her body is going through lots of changes. Her toes may just be a pleasant memory. She fondly remembers her favorite shoes. She has aches and pains as her body changes. Rub her shoulders, rub her feet. Even better: buy her a pregnancy massage. If you want to be her hero forever, buy her a bunch of them!
Emotionally – Hang in there. Her moods may have more ups and downs than a roller coaster. Love her, hold her, and listen to her. She has worries and fears about having a baby, being a mother, and still being a wife. Talk to her, and share your feelings with her.
Sexually – let her know that she is still sexy. Sexual activity is generally safe almost until the baby is born. Don’t be afraid that you will cause any harm to the baby, unless your care provider has told you that sex is out. There will be times that she has no interest, and there will be times that she will be a wildly sexual being. (Remember those raging hormones that make her so emotional?)
Be her friend.
She really wants you to be involved in the pregnancy.
Learn – go to childbirth preparation classes with her. Read books, listen to tapes, and watch the videos.
Plan - talk with her about the plans that the two of you have for the baby and for the future. Help her shop for baby clothes, plan where the baby will sleep, even help her pick the colors for the nursery.
Be involved – go to prenatal visits with her.
Have fun - make a belly cast. It’s a wonderful way to bond with the baby through your touch, and an incredibly sensuous experience for you and your partner.
Be her support.
She can’t do this all alone.
Practice – Any childbirth preparation class you take will require a commitment. Be available to help her practice her relaxation exercises.
Health – help her stay healthy. Take a walk with her; eat the healthy foods she eats. Don’t smoke, don’t drink, and make sure she doesn’t, either.
Help – there will be times when she is tired, and will need you to do more to help her: housework, cooking, walking the dog. This won’t last forever, and she will have bursts of energy that will make your head spin.
Be her protector.
She has a lot to do, just growing a baby.
Run interference – In nature, the Mama Gorilla sits in her nest, and quietly and peacefully gives birth. The Daddy Gorilla stands close by, guarding and protecting her. Whether it means taking the calls from your mother (or hers!), or making sure that the doctor doesn’t ignore her questions, be the Daddy Gorilla.
Be her birthing assistant.
Advocate - Talk to each other early on in the pregnancy about what your plans are for birthing, and be prepared to help to achieve those goals. If you want a natural birth, you may need to be prepared to deflect offers of medical interventions. If she begins to doubt her abilities, you may need to provide gentle support and reassurance.
Share her - “Why does she need me, if she has a Doula?” Your Doula is there as a supplement, not as a replacement for you. She’ll help you remember your plans for the birth, and has lots of tricks up her sleeve to help you have the birth you want.
Be her partner, her best friend, her pillow of comfort, and her pillar of strength.
Remember why you have embarked on this fantastic journey. You love each other, and have created a new family. And remember, that even if she gets tired, cranky, emotional, and seems to have forgotten all about you, she loves you.
Editorial provided by Kim Young is a HypnoBirthing Instructor, Massage Therapist, Hypnotherapist, and owner of Body and Birth Wellness Center in Sewickley.