Postpartum Depression
“As I look around the playground, all the other moms seem so happy. I watch them cheerfully pushing their children on the swings or schmoozing and sharing the latest recipes and home decorating trends. After all the years as an “older single,” I am finally a wife and a mom. Everyone around me is thrilled, so why am I not thrilled? When the baby cries, I am only reminded of my incompetence as a mother. I have always tried to be the best at everything I did: graduating at the top of my class in business school, the youngest woman to become vice president at my company. I have always had my act together, but now I look down at this tiny baby and I feel like I am falling apart. I don’t enjoy holding my daughter. I simply just don’t enjoy life anymore. I can go through the motions, but I am emotionally numb. After all the years of dovening and segulahs, all the struggles with fertility treatments, after waiting so long, how can I not be happy… How could I possibly let anyone know that inside I hurt so bad?”** -Sara S. age 42
“All the other women in my community (Orthodox Jewish) have it under control. Spotless homes, wholesome home-cooked meals, fresh-baked challah every week, lots of Shabbas guests. I used to be like that. But ever since Yossi, my fourth child was born, I can’t seem to get things together. Grocery shopping is completely overwhelming; I simply can’t handle it anymore. Even the simple act of getting dressed in the morning is a huge chore. All I want to do is sleep. I feel like everyone and everything is spinning all around me, and I can’t seem to catch my breath. My husband doesn’t understand, he doesn’t even know what to do with me. None of my sisters or sister-in-laws seems to struggle like I do. I cry a lot these days, and sometimes I don’t even know why. I have a good life, the life I wanted, the life I was brought up to live. Yet I can’t seem to get a grasp on things. As a Rabbi’s daughter; I can’t tell anyone that I just can’t handle having another baby. I don’t understand what is going on and how I got to this point.”** - Aviva D. age 25
Postpartum Depression (PPD) affects one in every ten women, regardless of age, socio-economic status or whether it is a woman’s first or seventh child. No woman should ever be ashamed to reach out for help. Having a baby, whether or not you are a first time mom or the mother of a large family is a life-changing event. While a new baby is one of the biggest blessings, it can also be challenging. The stress of such a life-changing event combined with the hormonal changes in a woman’s body can lead to experiences similar to those described by the women above. PPD affects over 15,000 women in New Jersey each year. PPD affects the entire family unit; when mom is not doing well, all members of the house are not doing well. If PPD goes untreated there could be serious long-term effects on the entire family. Having a depressed mother in the house can result in poor care and attention for the infant; which in turn can lead to serious long-term effects on the physical and emotional wellbeing of the child. Yet with treatment, women and their families can get enormous help and experience full recoveries.
Some of the warning signs include:
- sadness accompanied by either unexplained crying or ongoing numbness
- lack of energy
- trouble concentrating
- anxiety
- feelings of being overwhelmed
- feelings of being inadequate as a mother
- trouble sleeping or sleeping too much
- lack of interest in the baby and routine activities
- feeling nervous or angry
- feelings or fantasies of wanting to hurt oneself or the baby
Over 80% of mothers will experience some of the above symptoms at one point in time either post partum, also known as baby blues, during the pregnancy or after suddenly stopping breastfeeding. If the symptoms persist for more than two weeks a professional evaluation is advisable, since the longer PPD goes untreated, the more severe symptoms can become. It is important to note that now there are safe and effective medications which are available for pregnant and nursing mothers.
It is essential that both mother and baby receive support from family and the community. Some women will develop PPD due to hormonal factors; however there are many environmental factors that can either prevent or lessen the severity of PPD. Family and friends should ensure that a new mother does not feel isolated. A new baby requires care around the clock, and this invariably leads to sleep deprivation. It is critical that the mother takes naps when baby is sleeping, and that her own nutrition is not neglected. Assistance with housework and cooking should be delegated to someone else so that the mother can focus on herself and her new baby. Mothers should be encouraged to ask for help when needed and to set realistic expectations. It is also important, although sometimes difficult, for the mother to take walks and get outside of her home. Family and friends can best support a mother by asking her what she needs. Every mother is different. To truly be helpful, one should listen and recognize when the mother needs company, when she needs her time to bond with the baby, or when she just needs to be alone. Unfortunately, even with all the support in the world some will inevitably develop PPD.
The good news is that PPD is treatable and the recovery rate is extremely high. The main methods of treatment include a combination of individual and family counseling, support groups and sometimes medication. No one has to suffer in silence; help is available, accessible and successful.