The Granny Nanny
A Guidebook for Modern Grandmothers
Chapter One: I'm A Grandmother! or What Were We Thinking?
Think about it. In order to be grandmothers we once had to be mothers. After giving birth, we, as the mothers, were responsible for our baby's/child's well being. As grandmothers, on the other hand, we have choices. Our roles are open for interpretation and conscious choices. When I became a grandmother, and even when my daughters-in-law were pregnant, I made a conscious decision to be an involved grandmother, one of the caretakers or a Granny-Nanny.
I was sure that helping out and taking care of a baby would be easy like getting back on a bicycle after a twenty-year lapse. Oh, how wrong I was. There are new rules, new products, new findings and plenty of taboos. How did my three children ever survive their hazardous childhoods?
Let's begin with car rides. There was the old car bed to put my infants in when they were little or someone's lap, safely held in loving arms. No! I learned. Regulation car seats are not only required, but hospitals will not send babies home unless the transporting car has the proper car seat inside. Not only did my children forego seatbelts, they weren't even regulation equipment in the old trusty station wagon. I remember that as toddlers they would stand behind me as I drove, their heads not even reaching the roof of the car. How did they ever survive? And worst of all, I used to smoke ... yes, in the car! Today I'd be arrested. But, of course, I long kicked that filthy habit.
I was lucky. They survived these treacherous rides and arrived home from various outings in time for their naps. Stomach down they slept like little angels. Stomach down is verboten! Babies must sleep on their backs. They even sell special guards to prevent the babies from turning over voluntarily onto their stomachs from their backs. And the dreaded SIDS statistics have improved as a result of these back-sleepers. Of course, crawling is more difficult for these back loungers, and their arms do not always get the needed strength necessary for other creeping games. But they live! What was I thinking?
While my little angels slept, I was busy sterilizing bottles. "What's that?" my daughter-in-law asks. No more sterilizing. Babies need to build up resistance to germs, just clean out the bottles ... actually, throw out the plastic liners that hold the formula, and rinse the nipples and caps and you're done. Time to get the cloth diapers ready for the diaperman's pick-up and delivery. Diaperman? What's that? Disposable diapers rule! How easy feeding and coming out the other end is today.
My babies lived most of their days in stretch suits with snappable bottoms. Today's babies are models ... you heard me, designer models. Baby Gap, Tommy Hilfinger, outfits to die for. Most of these outfits, by the way, were gifts since parents more often than not register on-line for baby gifts. Before my grandson even saw the light of day he had all the equipment, clothes, toys and books his parents had registered for him. Now that I would have liked! I remember receiving some horrendous outfits that were unreturnable, or triples and doubles of other things, and who had the time to return items when you're busy sterilizing bottles and washing diapers?
Crying! I remember the pediatrician telling me that each baby has a fussy period and that parents have to let their babies cry. Good exercise, they counseled. Untrue! Babies cry for a reason, I now learn. Try checking diapers, sleep patterns, hunger, anything because the baby knows best. Demand feeding has replaced scheduled feeding.
Water was introduced gently to baby. The bath! Any other water like a pool should be avoided. No longer. Mommies are taking their babies for swimming lessons as early as six months old.
Remember the word "no"? Forget it! No is too negative. Parents today distract. The key is DISTRACTION, rather than negative warnings. Okay, except if it's a dangerous situation, I'm sure I will lose it and yell, "No!" God help me.
A baby slept through the night once solid food was introduced. Hold it! Don't go so fast! Babies don't get solid food until at least the five-month mark. So what if you are a zombie from those middle-of-the-night feedings, ALLERGIES must be caught. Food is introduced slowly, food by food, taste by taste, slowly. And don't be sharing your table food so fast.
In the beginning, our pediatrician made house calls until the baby was strong enough to come out to the office and sit in the waiting room with other children, some sick and catchy. No more! House calls, what are they? Right away pack up the baby, put him or her into that complicated car seat that you need a doctorate to figure out, and rain or snow, like a mail carrier, carry your baby to the doctor.
Pacifiers are more acceptable, but only dental-correct pacifiers, specially shaped to prevent the teeth from growing in wrong. Maybe that's why all three of my children had to endure braces. What did I know?
Remember the term babysitter? Well, don't call one so fast, they can be child beaters, monsters, strangers. Take those babies with you to weddings, movies, any place rather than trust a non-family member to watch your baby, unless it's a bonded day care center. That's another story and costs almost as much as a state college's tuition.
I know that, as my grandsons grow, so will the new rules meet me square in the face. No more sending your toddlers out to play ... dangerous! Children playing outside with friends can get kidnapped. Forget it! And strangers are to be avoided, watched, warned against. Be thankful today if your child is unfriendly, one never knows what lurks in the shadows of a shopping mall.
And what's with all this asthma? Look in the coatroom of any pre-school and you'll see inhalators lined up in the cubbies. Incidences of asthma are up ... way up! Don't trust a kid who doesn't have a touch of asthma.
Now ... summer comes, and your little swimmer is kicking up a storm but beware of that sun! The sun is our enemy; the ozone layer (whatever that is) has been destroyed. Make sure your child is well covered, hat, shirt, sunscreen above 115, sunglasses. Don't be so quick with those pails and shovels on the beach, the sun will bake their little bodies.
It's a brand new playing field for tomorrow's leaders. And we can watch their progress instantly ... with those special cameras hooked up to our computers; my son e-mails to me daily photographs of baby Dylan. I love it! No waiting for film to be developed or envelopes to be mailed with treasured photos inside.
Speaking of my son, and all of our sons! Aren't they unbelievable? Daddies are as involved as mommies these days and I love it. I remember my husband yelling for me when confronted with a full diaper. I remember how only my ears heard a child wake up in the middle of the night. Today it's an even playing field. Mommies and Daddies work, they change diapers, they do everything for the baby ...equally. It's about time!
As my grandsons grow I expect to be learning a lot more about the new parenting. Time out ... I've heard of it, I've even watched my neighbor enforce Time-Out! I'm sure I'll be instructed on that as the proper road to discipline. But if I were one of these toddlers being given Time-Out, I'd love it. Just look into one of those children's rooms ... electronic toys, full libraries, toys for the dolls, busy boxes, creative activities. Time out to view all those wonderful videos for kids. Time-Out doesn't seem like jail to me.
Let's talk about helmets. Scooters, tricycles, bicycles ... no more skinned knees. Today's kids don helmets and body pads before mounting their scooters or cycles. We were dumb parents in the old days. I have added to my prayers a special thanks to the gods for sparing my kids as they blithely wore shorts, their hair blowing in the breeze and their skin turning bronze as they pedaled around the neighborhood. What were we thinking?
I have a lot to learn from my parent/children. They know what they are doing. Dr. Spock used to tell mothers like me to follow our instincts, be natural. What did he know? I'm only grateful that my children survived the stupid way I raised them, hit and miss, lots of love, and after a good supper the prize maraschino cherry from the top of the cake. Only kidding! Back then we already knew about that deadly red dye, and those delicious unnatural red cherries were banned from our diets. After all I wasn't completely stupid, but actually an avid environmentalist, which, by the way, might have been why disposable diapers weren't very popular ... think of the pollution and waste of natural resources. We recycled our cloth diapers.
I was also against war, and my children's toys were peaceful, no guns or GI Joes for my sons; as well as a women's libber ... dolls for the boys, and my daughter played with trucks. Our house rang with the sounds of the songs from the album "Free To Be You and Me" and a well-worn recording of the song "I Am Woman."
Come to think of it, maybe that's one of the reasons why my sons are such involved Daddies and my daughter has such a successful professional life. Once they got over the hump of physical danger, they forged ahead to become the super parents that they are today. And I smile to myself every time I turn on the television and see that Mr. Rogers and Sesame Street are still the rage. Now there are two old pals that have survived the generations. Maybe we did something right that hasn't been thrown out with the bath water.
Now, lo and behold! Son #2 and his wife, both working parents, gave birth to a Boy, and 15 months later to another boy. They live over 100 miles away from my home, BUT, once again, I have made a conscious decision to be an involved part-time nanny granny. Once a week I try to go to New York City and babysit for two precious grandsons. I have moved around my career commitments and teach writing classes, act as the account manager for a business, lead writers' workshops and continue my work as a freelance writer on weekends and my three non-babysitting weekdays. A tight schedule, but a rewarding and conscious one. I wouldn't trade it for a week on the beach! - well maybe a week on a beach, but only if I can take my grandsons with me.
My friend Sandy C., a granny-nanny of five from Fort Washington, Pennsylvania , is saving for a family vacation to Disney World. She works part-time and has targeted the year 2006 as the time when she'll have saved enough to treat her grandchildren. She has already alerted her grandchildren of her plans, and the kiddies talk about it often.
But I have learned that I can't make any assumptions about the childcare rules. Assumptions ... let's look at that word. To assume – to make an ass out of U and me! How about that! New medical findings, better safety projects, and more cautious childcare is a blessing. An important rule for conscious Nanny-Grannies is START FROM SCRATCH about safety rules. Maybe we were lucky, maybe some of us weren't and have tragic memories from our children's early years ... the research, the products, the studies about SIDS and auto safety have improved. Follow the new rules! Listen to what the parents' rules are and follow them! Be, not only a conscious Granny-Nanny, but a modern, well-informed Granny-Nanny.