Tips for New Parenthood
Surviving the First Few Months (and Years!)
Scenario 1: You arrived home from the hospital three days ago, your face muscles ache from incessant smiling, the birds are chirping in welcome, your partner brings you cups of tea without being asked, your baby latches on like a pro, and, as you relax in front of a new episode of Project Runway and your bambino rests peacefully in your arms, you find yourself thinking, “Can life get any better?”
Scenario 2: You’ve sworn of much-needed caffeine because you’re breastfeeding (and are well-aware that simply plucking the “r” out of breastfeeding makes it beast feeding), your partner is driving you insane because whenever the baby cries he says it’s because she’s hungry and hands her right over, and, as you attempt to watch Real Housewives of New Jersey and can’t hear the housewives’ screams over your baby’s own wails, you think to yourself, “What have I done?!”
Whether you will relate more to the first scenario or the second as a new mom, or will swing wildly between the two every other minute (was that just us?), having strategies to manage the rough patches can go miles toward a happier mommy and, by extension, a happier family. Read the tips below, and when times get tough, read them again, if for no other reason than to remind yourself that you’re not alone. Millions of other moms before you have felt it and gotten through it, and you’ll get through it. With flying colors (and a few glasses of beer—to help with your let down, of course!)
- Remember that a happy couple makes a happy baby. Numerous studies have shown that many couples’ satisfaction in their marriages takes a tumble after the first child is born. Make sure your expectations of each other are clear before the baby arrives—even consider a few sessions of pre-baby counseling to hash out marital minefields such as divvying up baby-related responsibilities, money issues, and expectations for your sex and social lives.
- Don’t wish your pregnancy away in the excitement of meeting your new baby. This is the last time it will be just you and your partner or spouse, or just you as a single person. Once your baby is born, your life will change forever.
- Be patient with yourself. It’s not unusual to feel incompetent as a new parent. Like every new skill, it takes practice.
- Combat social isolation. It’s easy to get consumed in the world of your new baby, but it’s important to maintain social relationships. Attend new mommy events, join a moms’ club, make plans with friends, go for walks, and don’t be afraid to approach other new moms you see. You’re all going through the same thing and can be a huge support for each other.
- Don’t compare your baby to other babies (they all develop, grow, and mature in different ways at different times), and don’t compare yourself to other mothers, unless it boosts your confidence in your own parenting. What’s right for her baby may not be right for yours. And even the mom who looks like she has it all together, doesn’t.
- Read the parenting books if you want to—then throw the books away. Use them for their ideas, not as manuals. Trust your instincts, which will take you and your child further than any book ever could. And remember that there is no textbook baby.
- Choose parenting strategies that work for you. Make choices that fit with your lifestyle, values, and baby. Just because there’s advice out there that seems logical doesn’t mean it’s logical for you.
- Keep realistic expectations with respect to childbirth, breastfeeding, and child-raising. It will not always go as you’ve planned.
- Take the pressure off! Don’t expect your baby weight to come off in the first three months. We’ve all known that genetically blessed mom who left the hospital wearing her skinny jeans, but for most, it takes nine months to a year to lose the baby weight. Eat healthy and exercise appropriately, but try not to sweat it. The weight will come off naturally by itself—eventually.
- Remember, this too shall pass. It may feel like an eternity now, but your baby will smile, and laugh, and walk, and talk … and even sleep through the night.